Chapters.

 

Today we had a celebration at Parker's Waldorf school to mark the end of the school year. For Parks, this means the end of preschool. I know it's been building in my mind for the second half of this school year - this feeling of a train speeding up that I no longer feel like I have any control over. We've finally hit the time in our lives with kids where we look at a day, a month, a year and wonder "Where did it go?". I feel as though I just left him at that adorable wooden gate a moment ago, waving goodbye in his first day of school "fancy outfit" that he picked out himself - a plaid button down shirt, plaid shorts, black socks and rainboots.

Today I timidly opened that gate to a simple and sweet little celebration, thinking that I could make it through the end without tears, without marking this one day as the end of a chapter, and by taking this last day of preschool in some sort of stride. I was totally wrong. We laughed, ate and celebrated together and all the while I kept looking at this sweet little boy face and realizing I can't stop this now! Preschool time is over, he'll be a kindergartener next year and every year will be marked with a number, each one flying by seemingly faster than the last. We try to live every moment to it's fullest in this family and we do a pretty good job most of the time, but I'm allowing myself to be a little heartbroken over this marker in his life - our lives.

 

Parker has had an amazing couple of years at Waldorf. He's learned with gentle, caring, and loving teachers. He explores in a tenacious way. He has developed a huge imagination. He finger knits, paints, bakes, and puts on puppet shows. He has had the time of his life. And while he has been excited to go to kindergarten next year, that came to a crashing halt today in the form of tears and whininess during the party and then a full breakdown afterwards. After some snuggles and talks with dad he was able to tell him that he's really feeling sad that he won't be in Ms. Adrienne's class next year. He going to miss her, Mr. Arnold, and the friends he's made for two years. I think his heart feels a little of the heaviness that mine feels - this end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. That's sad, exciting and scary all at the same time.

The kids made all the parents a beautiful seashell frame with their class picture in it.

Parks and Ms. Adrienne and Mr. Arnold. This boy has true love for them.