Significance.

My dear friend Sandi has taken pictures of our little family since Parker was nearly 6 months old. Important pictures. Significant pictures. Pictures that tell a story and capture a heart in one little glance and a click of her camera. She has such a gift. And such a huge heart. And we have traded work and friendship and late nights over glasses of wine over the years. And then spring happened and the weight of her world was shattered into a million pieces and with it our little piece of it started cracking. My kids know Sandi means picking veggies out of her garden and boat rides in front of the cabin, snuggling on her lawn chairs outside her tiny house and swinging endlessly on her tire swing, hugs from her and high fives from her boy. Now that world is different and silent and we quietly grieve for her and with her.

Not a day has gone by that I don't look at the world differently. I hold my children closer. I let go of a lot more. I relish in their tiny moments of significance and I listen. I listen to them when they are excitedly trying to get the words out, when they're whispering their greatest fears and I listen when they are silent. I do all of this in honor of Sandi and her mothering.

When Sandi suggested she pick up her camera and take pictures of us, I couldn't stop the tears. The tears that felt so honored she would want to do that for us, the tears of not knowing if I could return to a place that had always meant happiness before all of this, and the tears of realizing that it might be a hard day for her and her strength and braveness has never ceased to amaze me.

The kids were overjoyed to see her. A few days before, Parker insisted on bringing a present to Sandi and unknowingly opened up his huge compassion to her with a little silver heart he chose all by himself. My tears flowed then too, for sadness, gratitude and hope.

The day we took pictures in a little park, all alone on a crisp day, we tumbled out of the car. The kids hugged Sandi, Parker proudly handed her his present and Everly wore her hat and scarf when she got cold. We all drifted back into a place we'd been before, but with a balance that shall forever be askew (just as it should be).

I am so honored that we got to share these pictures for Christmas with everyone we know and love. I am so honored she took her camera and captured these moments with our children and us. And we both agreed that these are perhaps our favorite photos out of the thousands she's taken over the years. And perhaps that's because we now know the weight of these moments. The weight to treasure, to capture, to be still in these moments. Thank you so, so much, Sandi. We love you.