thankful.

At times, I have been wistfully walking around my house throughout this week, gazing at little scenes and filling my heart with thankfulness over each and every one. That's been sometimes. Other times I am dashing about from room to room trying to remain sane and keep my head above water. With the added intentional thankfulness, I've managed to keep some humor throughout situations that normally make me want to tear my hair out.

The children began getting sick on Sunday. Jeremy was at work, so I threw all agendas out the window and tended to getting them better. It worked, I patted myself on the back, worked 11 hours the next day, patted myself on the back again for balancing it all, and then I came home to kids who were getting sick (again) and a sick husband (as well). Lesson learned. Too much patting myself on the back.

That was Monday. Then we entered the past two days where time seemed to move slower. Parker's fever has hovered at 105 and slightly higher for two days now. This kid runs high fevers, but this is a doozy and it seems to only directly affect his crankiness level. His crankiness level seems to directly affect Everly's crankiness. And lo and behold, their crankiness directly affects my ability to be able to do anything besides fetch them water and lay a cold compress on their foreheads.

I'm still wandering around my house gazing at things and feeling thankful, but honestly the wistfulness is starting to wane and the things I'm thankful for are becoming far more concrete (coffee. my bed. quiet time. a mimosa. oh, why not, another mimosa.)

And this poetic Thankfulness post that I've been dreaming up in my head is slowly fading away.

This morning as I dragged a feverish boy on a quick errand that had to get done, I ran into a dear friend who just had her seventh child a few days ago. Her seventh child and her first girl. And we stood there in the Target shoe isle hugging and teary eyed and she explained this enormous and unexpected feeling of Thankfulness when she was surprised to meet this tiny baby girl who has already up-heaved their house of men. And my heart grew in Thankfulness too. Then, this afternoon, a friend sent me a post he wrote. These are good friends whom I often turn to in regards to parenting and usually when I need a dose of "Appreciate this. It will be gone before you know it." as their high school senior gives me a quick hug and dashes out the door. And it was if his words were written just for me. Half of my thankful list from my head, spelled out in another person's looking back over time.

And as my week has been a pendulum swinging, I was floating again on wistfulness from these two great and timely reminders, when, just before bed, Parker threw up all over his bedroom, Everly got so scared of it she peed on the floor and both of them stood there sobbing and I closed my eyes and repeated "I am still Thankful" while I carpet cleaned and sung my praises that Jeremy will be home tomorrow and we can have a much anticipated family day. And funny enough, even with all the hullabaloo right at bedtime, when we I got it all back together, just like my friend Mark reminded me, even tonight "How great was it to lay next to them in bed in the pitch dark and answer random questions that suddenly felt safe to ask."

 I am thankful.

Jeremy's job and the sacrifices he makes.

Laying with my children every night while they whisper questions to me in the dark.

All the modern conveniences I take for granted. Lights, and all.

Gifts of art with great symbolism.

Hand-holding. Even when they're sick.

Their strewn about play. A chair pulled up to a toadstool, a plastic frog floating in the fishbowl, ropes tied together and tossed off the balcony.

Coffee.

Forever and always, my friends and family.

Creativity.

and a thousand more things in my heart...